I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
