so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
