I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
