I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
