her vagine was all disorganized.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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