they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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