I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
