so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
