I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
