i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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