so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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