Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
