he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
