I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
its liver damage thursday
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
