How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
