Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
