she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize