You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
