just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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