Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it

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(214): View more from Texas

herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.

(1-214): View more from Texas

ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

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(443): View more from Maryland

dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.

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(714): View more from California

I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?

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(516): View more from New York

I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

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