i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
