Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
