My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
