alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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