I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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