he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
