I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize