White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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