bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
