apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
