If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
