Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize