i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
