i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
