If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
