what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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