You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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