Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He kissed a someone with a penis
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
