the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
