Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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