DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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