Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
