Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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