I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
