You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
