next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
