i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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