I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
