I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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