so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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