I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
