my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
