so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
