I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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