Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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