He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
