I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
