Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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