girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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