she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
