Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
