If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
