My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
