that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
