Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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