It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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