so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
