Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
