definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
