You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Best friends brother. Beat that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
