I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
