I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
