apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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